well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Couch. On fire.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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