dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
