after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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