I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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