office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
