im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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