i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
