Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
