DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
