Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
