I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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