How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
