You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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