dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So vagazzling was a success
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
