I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
