After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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