Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
