1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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