I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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