fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
