Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
