i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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