Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
