I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize