just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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