'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We got so high we made milksteak
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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