Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
