kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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