So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
