We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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