O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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