i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
