Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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