One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someone shattered a urinal.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
