i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize