I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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