sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
