I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
