i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
