i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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