This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize