just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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