I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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