Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
