On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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