I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
