If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
