what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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