I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
