You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We left an ass print on the piano.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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