marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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