it wasn't lemon gatorade
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
