when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
