I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
