Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
