I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
