I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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