Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
