i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize