he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am naked and annoyed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
